Cassette Love
by Enji
Summary: G1. Ravage is sneaking into the Ark. Why? Spying on the Autobots? Nope, not this time. Total crack.


_A/N: Me playing around with the random pairings generator. Not sure of what the hell I was thinking about when I wrote this, but whatever. Slash warning, crack pairing.  
_

_Disclaimer: The usual. Don't own, please don't sue._

* * *

It began, as it often does, with a glance. Soon, that glance had turned into several, and before long the two seemed to seek out each other in every battle. Most simply assumed that is was a natural rivalry. After all, it was only natural that the two of them hated each other. They were each other's opposites in so many ways. One lithe and agile, one burly and strong. One who preferred to rely on stealth, one who preferred straight-on attack. Each loyal to a different cause. Each equally devoted to the destruction of the enemy. Yes, there was no reason for anyone to suspect there would be a deeper motive behind the two of them seeking each other out. No reason at all.

x-x-x

It was nighttime. The sun, the hated bright sun, was shining on the other side of the planet, leaving this side in blissful darkness, as a dark figure sneaked up along the mountainside. Turning his head Ravage took in the security sensors placed on the mountain, and gave a silent snort. That Autobot security chief always kept moving the sensors around, hoping the Decepticon spies would be fooled by such an easy trick. It might have worked if not for the fact that the sensors themselves were so pathetically easy to spot. Having located all of the sensors in this area Ravage calculated the path he would have to take where the sensors could not pick up on him. He crouched down momentarily, then launched himself towards the Ark, masterfully weaving between the sensors, running full tilt towards the big spaceship. It would not do to avoid the sensors and be discovered by some Autobot dolt on patrol. Seconds later he was inside an air duct, crouching silently, listening intently for any clue that he might have been spotted. None. He slowly started to move forward, moving silently though the ducts. He was always so amazed that those morons inhibiting this place never seemed to check their ventilation system for intruders. After all, it was so cliché it was stupid. Not that he complained; it all made his work so much simpler. Turning at an intersection he made his way towards the storage facilities down in the Ark.

x-x-x

"Hey, anyone seen Ramhorn?"

Rewind looked up at Blaster from the sofa he was sitting in, lazily watching a football game on tv with Eject.

"No, why?"

"Just I haven't seen him in a while", Blaster answered.

"He's probably outside tackling some boulders or something," Eject said, not taking his eyes from the tv. "Who cares?"

"Aww, you know I care about all of you. You're my little itty bitty babies!" Blaster winked at Eject, who didn't answer, caught up in the game as he was.

"Call me a "baby" one more time and I'll make you regret it", a cold, lazy voice came from behind the sofa.

Rewind leaned over the side of the sofa, taking in the lion half asleep there, then looked back up at Blaster.

"Hey, why don't you use Steeljaw to find Ramhorn if you're so worried? Bet he could sniff him out in a nanosecond."

"How about we NOT use Steeljaw to find that bumbling buffoon, and let Steeljaw sleep in peace?" the big cat growled.

"No, actually, that's a good idea", Blaster said. "I'd really like to find that "bumbling buffoon", as you so eloquently put it." He walked around the sofa to look down at the cassette. Steeljaw moved around slightly, turning away from him and pretending to be asleep. "Hey, come on man! I need you!" Steeljaw just grumbled. Blaster sighed. "Well, if you're like that I might just ask Hound instead. After all, I'm pretty sure he'd do a better job anyway. Ya know, he _is_ the best tracker on this base…"

"That overgrown asymmetrical useless blob of a jeep? He couldn't find a Seeker if it so kicked him in the aft. Bah!" Steeljaw slowly got up and turned to Blaster. "Okay, I'm go…"

"Perfect!" Blaster exclaimed. "Will you please take him here when you've found him?"

"Yeah yeah…" the lion muttered as he trotted away, out of their quarters.

x-x-x

"You know… we really shouldn't be doing this." Ramhorn said as he turned his head slightly to take in the feline lying curled up next to him.

"You _think_?" Ravage sneered up at him. "I'm amazed at your skills of deduction."

"Really? Thank you!" Ramhorn said happily, snuggling closer.

Ravage hissed to himself and put a metal paw over his optics. How in the name of all things holy could he have fallen for such an idiot as this Autobot? Nothing made sense. He was stealth and ice, for crying out loud! ICE! He was supposed to be the coldest, meanest Decepticon, the one no Autobot wanted to meet in a dark alley, and here he was… snuggling up against what must be the most moronic cassette EVER. No, scratch that. The most moronic _cybertronian_ ever. Well, maybe with the exception of those clumsy, stupid Dinobots that for some reason where part of the Autobot team. No matter how hard he tried he could not come up with an explanation to why he kept on sneaking into the Ark to spend time with the rhino, or why he always singled him out in battle just to be able to touch him… he couldn't even fool himself with telling himself it was for intelligence purpose, since this cassette had none. He knew nothing of what went on in the Ark, all he seemed interested in was smashing stuff. Oh, and getting close to Ravage. Not that the cat minded. No, the only reason he could find, and the reason he always tried to chase back into the deepest corner of his CPU was that it felt _bloody good_ to be touched by the dolt. Growling to himself he let Ramhorn draw him even closer, and blast it if he didn't actually enjoy the warmth emancipating from the rhino. He tried not to think what Soundwave would say if he found out about this…

x-x-x

Steeljaw turned a corner and found himself in a long corridor with several doors on the side. The old storage area on the Ark, a part that was not used much anymore because of the damage it had suffered in the crash. There was hardly any lighting down here, and only a few security cameras that Red Alert had insisted on. He trotted on, following the clear scent of his fellow cassette, until he came to a closed door. The scent clearly stopped there, which meant that Ramhorn had to be behind the door. But what would he be doing down here? Steeljaw immediately chided himself for thinking that way. This was _Ramhorn_. Logic does not apply. He'd probably got mad at an insect or something and followed it down here in blind rage. That did not explain why the door was locked though, but whatever. It was not Steeljaw's job to think about that. He was a tracker, and he had found his quarry. Lifting a paw he knocked on the door.

x-x-x

Ravage immediately looked up in alarm at the noise. Someone was coming! He quickly untangled himself from Ramhorn's grip, and with a great leap he flung himself up on top of some old storage containers, from where he could access the ventilation system.

"Huh? Ravage…?" Ramhorn asked sleepily, noting that the cat had disappeared. "Oh…" he noticed the banging on the door and rose angrily. Who dared come down here and disturb him?

"Ramhorn? Are you in there?" Steeljaw's voice floated through the door. Ramhorn looked up at the air duct, seeing Ravage jumping from the containers into the duct and disappearing. Unfortunately, the leap unsettled the containers, and the top one fell to the floor with a large clanging noise, hitting some others, unsettling the whole pile.

"Oh SCRAP." was all Ramhorn could find to say as the pile of containers fell to the floor, clattering and making enough noise to wake the entire Ark.

"RAMHORN? What are you DOING in there?"

Seeing as the Ark probably was awake anyway, Ramhorn ran into another pile of containers, smashing at it with his horn in frustration, delighting as it started to fall and clatter around him. He didn't even notice as the door opened with a bang as Steeljaw had gotten tired of waiting and simply blasted the lock open. The lion looked at the rhino in disbelief as Ramhorn smashed into another pile of containers. Impaling one of them on his horn Ramhorn finally looked towards the door where Steeljaw sat, looking at him.

"Steeljaw. What are you doing here?"

"Blaster sent me to find you. He misses you, but for whatever reason I can't imagine." The feline looked around the room. "Really, Ramhorn, you really are the most irresponsible 'bot ever created. For what insignificant cause did you throw a temper tantrum this time? And force me to abandon my beauty sleep, I might add."

The rhino didn't answer. He just trotted out of the door towards Blaster's quarters, Steeljaw following close by. Next time he and Ravage would have to find another place for their trysts.

* * *

_Prompt: Ravage / Ramhorn / irresponsible_


End file.
